i'm not quite feeling like myself lately. i wonder why. i dunno. if i dunno, who knows? well, i dunno!
nicely drawn heart.
i can keep a straight face. yeah, i can still keep it. i'm actually hiding my true feelings from my friends, so that they will ignore, and keep on treating me as usual. i really don't want them to pity me. yes, i don't.
i think maybe a number of you may still be wondering why am i feeling like this. maybe quite a number of you don't even care. it's okay. :) actually i was gonna give up on my crush. i know, i know. maybe some of you might say that i'm not man enough. yeah. maybe you're right. maybe i am just a pathetic loser. been years hoping for something unsure, maybe impossible.
exactly.
why i'm giving up? maybe because i'm just facing the fact that this love is CLEARLY one-sided. been waiting like a fool for years, but still not even a speck of hint has she given me. a hint of mutual feelings, that i was searching for. none. she's been single up until today. she's a "studyholic", maybe that's why she didn't even think of anything like i do.
one of the worst part is, she didn't even wished me for my birthday. i know this might sound childish, but how can she ever forget that? i didn't forget hers. our birth date's numbers are quite similar, just need to rearrange it. i didn't forget to wish her a happy birthday when the time comes.
i tried to contact her through text messages during the Raya holiday, just got only few replies (and i mean, FEW), and sometimes, none. i waited for her text, her wish, on my birthday but still, NONE. tried to call her, only the operator's voice was heard. "This is the Celcom Voicemail Service for the number..". i even wish the recorded voice of the operator'll wish me. silly me.
then again, my birthday had been a fun, happy but heartbreaking celebration for me. "welcome to the 20's club" they said. "it will be fun" they said. fun. tch. meh. yeah, it's REALLY fun turning 20. yay me.
sorry, cat. my birthday didn't have cakes. just a heartbreak with a frustrating topping.
oh well. maybe i am childish for taking this matter too serious. maybe she's too busy that she already forgot about who i am to her. or maybe, i am just a pathetic fool for believing in one-sided love can change into mutual feelings, just by hoping. for now, i'll just enjoy my life being 20 and all, and just wait for a miracle to happen (or should i say, wait for what fate brings me to).
anyhow, i still believe in my spouse, which Allah has written for me since the day my soul has been blown into this body. if she's not the one, it's okay. that means Allah still have a greater plan for me. maybe a better girl, who knows right?
that's all for this post. assalamualaikum and hopefully we'll meet again soon. :)
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